


Scott McCall's (Not Completely Legal) Five Step Plan to Get His Best Friend and Derek Hale Together

by pessimisticprose



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Ambiguous Slash, Brief Stiles/OC, Crack, Jealous Derek, M/M, Matchmaking, Underage Drinking, Unicorns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-29
Updated: 2014-12-29
Packaged: 2018-03-04 06:28:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2955731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pessimisticprose/pseuds/pessimisticprose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Allison and Isaac were totally done with his shit. </p><p>But Stiles and Derek just had so much unresolved tension.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Scott McCall's (Not Completely Legal) Five Step Plan to Get His Best Friend and Derek Hale Together

**Author's Note:**

> Whoops sorry my hand slipped 
> 
> Warnings at end

     Scott had a five step plan to get Stiles and Derek together. Sure, it consisted of a few slightly illegal things and, hey, maybe even some alcohol for Stiles to finally confess, but he knew in the long run it'd work. Allison and Isaac both hated how Sterek—Scott shipped it _so hard_ —functioned sometimes. Derek would ask Stiles for help and they'd pull all-nighters together one night and the next he'd threaten to cut this tongue off it he said another word. 

     Scott just said it was unresolved tension. 

***

     It took Scott a while to get used to the idea of Derek and Stiles being together. Derek had tried to kill them before. Derek had been the biggest asshole to Stiles. He had been a dick to Scott, but to _Stiles_? He was a bigger dick than what Isaac had in his pants. And that was a big dick. 

     Once Scott got used to the idea of the possibility, he started to love it. He began to look for subtle eye contact and he read between the lines for every encounter they had. Sometimes he got on tumblr and blogged about how his friends needed to get together riiiiiiight nOww W!!1 When Allison found out, she slapped him upside the head. 

***

Step 1: Show Derek How Hot Stiles Is

     Danny wanted them to go to a club. Scott smirked when he found out (because, hello? Perfect get-together plan) and went to Danny for advice. 

     "You want advice on how to seduce a man? Scott, aren't you in a weird threesome thing already? Who the hell do you have to seduce?" 

     "No! Not me. Stiles." 

     "You want to seduce _Stiles_?!" 

     "Danny! No! I want him to seduce Derek." 

     Danny frowned. "Stiles likes Derek?" 

     "I'm not entirely sure. Sometimes he rants about how controlling he is and then twenty seconds later he's waxing poetic about his jaw." 

     "Scott, that's called attraction. He's attracted to Derek.”

     "Is Derek attracted to him? 

     "Not sure. But hey, seduction? I'm your man." 

***

     "Scott, I can't pull this off! It's like two sizes too small!" Stiles whined. 

     "Danny gave it to me for you. He said you'd look hot. Please, Stiles." 

     "But why?" 

     "I have a plan. Please." 

     "Fucking fine. Dammit, Scott." 

***

     Stiles had on skinny jeans that rode low on his lips. Whenever his shirt rode up, Scott could see the hair around his navel and the defined muscles were clearly visible. Whenever Isaac wore clothes like that, it drove Scott _crazy_. Derek was a goner. 

     Only, he wasn't. He sat at the bar for a while, just drinking and laughing with Boyd about something or another. He barely even noticed how Stiles' hips rotated when he danced. 

     Scott decided he had to amp it up for step two. 

***

Step 2: Show Derek That Stiles Can Provide for the Pack 

     In all honesty, this was the easiest step for Scott. Stiles already provided for the pack. He just had to make sure Derek noticed it. 

    So Scott purposely hurt himself once, but the cuts began healing almost immediately. So, what else could he do other that conspire with Erica? 

     "Listen, just throw the food out and make stiles get something and he can cook it. He's an awesome chef." 

     "That's actually a pretty good idea!" 

     Stiles got take out. 

***

Step 3: Show Derek How Well Stiles Can Protect Everyone

     "Unicorns can only be touched by _virgins_?" Stiles crowed, going a bit pale. 

     "Yes, and it ended up taking an entire jar of mountain ash. We need it, that way it doesn't spread around the preserve and hurt us during the full moon. So obviously Stiles is the only one that can do it." 

     Stiles groaned and hit his head forcefully onto the table. Maybe it was Scott's eyes acting up, but he could've sworn that Derek's eyes flashed red. "Seriously, guys? I thought you were my friends." 

***

     "Easy there, big guy." Stiles' hand ran along the unicorn's mane over and over, soothing the animal. It was pure while, silver hairs spread throughout its mane and tail. 

     "Stiles, just get the fucking jar," Derek growled. "It could hurt you." 

     The unicorn whined when Stiles pulled away. It pulled stiles closer by its teeth and made Stiles bury his face in its hair. Happy noises erupted from its mouth.

     "Yeah, real dangerous." 

     Erica and Allison couldn't stop laughing. 

     "Seriously," Stiles murmured. "He's so soft. Can we keep him?" 

     "But then you'll have to be a virgin forever," Scott pointed out. The unicorn neighed and it tossed its head, throwing stiles onto its back. 

     "Oh my god," Stiles squawked as the unicorn began to trot away. "They love virgins so much they _take them_. Please help me." 

     As Derek chased down stiles, Scott never laughed harder in his life. 

***

Step 4: Show Derek Other People Want Stiles Too 

     "Break out the jeans again." 

     "Dammit, Scott." 

***

     "What are you doing?" Stiles hissed. "Are you insane?! I don't want to go home with that guy! He's, like, trying to buy me alcohol. And he knows I'm only seventeen. Scott, what the fuck?" 

     "Just flirt with him a little, okay?" 

     "Fucking-" 

     "I have a five part plan." 

     "Dammit, Scott. What for?" 

     "Can you just trust me!?”

     Stiles groaned. "You owe me soooo much." 

***

     Twenty minutes later found Stiles and the guy—"Alec, Scott. Like from TMI! And he's totally hot. And sweet. Can I just unnngghhhh"—grinding with each other against a wall. Stiles was a little more than drunk, and Alec smelled entirely of alcohol.

     When they found them, Alec was sucking a hickey into Stiles' skin and Stiles had a blissed out look on his face. His hands were on Alec's ass, pulling him closer so they could rub their-

     "Stiles!" Derek barked. "We're leaving /now/." He went up to them, just strode up like he owned the entire fucking club, and pulled Alec off of stiles. Alec sputtered, erection painfully obvious and fly down. "Don't _ever_  touch him again, or you won't have hands to touch people with. Got it?" 

     "Derek! What-" 

     Derek turned to stiles and his eyes were bright red. "What the hell, Stiles?! Do you know how irresponsible this is? He could've been a hunter! He could've been a rival pack member! Fuck, even a rival alpha. You had no business practically fucking in a club." 

     "And who says you have any say in my love life?" Stiles glared daggers at Derek, crossing his arms and scowling. He pulled at his tight t-shirt in annoyance. 

     "God dammit, I'm not arguing this with you when you're drunk. Put your dick away and let's go the hell home." 

     "Why? So you can remind me that I'm still underage, even though I'm more mature than you are? Well fuck you, Derek. I need someone who recognizes that, and I guess that's not you." Stiles stalked away, reeking of alcohol and Erica chasing after him. Derek had blood on the floor from his nails digging into his palms. 

And Scott? Scott had a pretty good idea his ship was canon. 

***

Step 5: Get them Drunk So They Confess 

     Stiles had already been drunk, so scratch that step. But they _were_  throwing a party for Lydia's eighteenth birthday. 

     The punch was spiked with wolfsbane. Only this time, the good kind.   

     Derek was drunk. He was drunk and staring at stiles over the brim of his cup. He downed the rest and went over to Stiles, murmuring something in his ear. Stiles' eyes darkened in anger, but he followed Derek anyway. 

     A few minutes later, Scott went after them to make sure they weren't dead. 

     "Eighteen, Sti—oh god, do that again, fuck—les. Stop. Right now. Only seven more months." 

     "No, fuck no. This isn't fair, Derek. Now fucking get that lube you keep in your jacket pocket and fucking fuck me or I'll find someone willing to." A few seconds later, Scott heard a growl and Stiles keened. 

     It was like watching his ship become canon. 

***  
   

 It wasn't surprising that stiles had a limp the next morning and he smelled like come and sweat and Derek. Nor was it surprising that Derek had the biggest grin ever. 

     It also wasn't surprising when he updated his Tumblr to tell everyone the UST friends resolved it.

**Author's Note:**

> Brief Stiles/OC and the OC is older and buys Stiles alcohol, even though he knows he's underage. They don't do much other than Stiles receives a hickey and they grind on each other before Scott and Derek intervene.


End file.
